Thursday, December 1st

Today is my dad's official birthday. 65 years ago my dad was born in Utah. My Great Grandma helped deliver him to my Grandma on the farm. I am so thankful for that..that he was made to be my father..that I came into existence.
My entire life though I have heard him say he would only live to be 65. His father and Grandfather died at 65, so he seemed it only sensible that he would too. Of course, I didn't believe this at all, just coincidence..or they drank alcohol..smoked..had environmental factors that attributed to their untimely death. My Dad, special forces, PT every morning, even doing pushups and sit ups after it was necessary, rarely drank,  never smoked, didn't have the environmental factors, still faces his mortality at 65.   They say his ancestors died of liver cancer..well his cancer metastasized from his pancreas to his liver..who is to say the other family members didn't have pancreatic cancer that spread to the liver. Either way, the VA recognized it two years ago and didn't say anything to my dad, cause they assumed it was a fatty liver..from drinking. My dad didn't drink!!!!! Damn....woulda, coulda, shoulda...

Anyway, I had things written down to write about my father tonight.

Instead, tonight is dedicated to my grandma. My mom's mom...Rose Elaine Serr Thompson...died today. What a blow. She also had cancer. But unfortunately for me, we were estranged, so I don't know much of the details of her health before she died. My uncle and cousin kept me afloat, which I dearly appreciate. My uncle called tonight to share the news of her passing. I know she and I were not close. I always wanted that. We were raised military and never had that close bond with a lot of family. It just never happened. I loved her as my grandmother, the matriarch of my family, the subject of many stories I had heard, but never really got to know her. My own fault I know.
But right now with all considered..it is my mom's mom...and with her husband's fate already in the unknown..I grieve. My mom has been strong and I know she will continue to be. But no matter how old you are, how close you were, when you lose your mother, I imagine it inconsolable...especially when your only confidante can't comprehend what you are talking about.
Anyway...I love you Grandma..and I thank you for all the memories I have. I know you are pain free and in a better place. I hope to see you again someday.
Thank you Chris and Philip for being there tonight. I appreciate the support very much!